Below is a selection of some of the mail I get that is meant for the other Michael Slezak, an entertainment writer. It’s just here for your amusement. :-)
Here’s my attempt to explain the Higgs boson using only the 1000 most common English words. It’s jumping on the #upgoerfive meme.
The tiny thing that makes all other tiny things heavy.
When things are broken up into smaller and smaller things, eventually you get down to the very smallest things in the world. There are 61 of these tiniest things, which together make everything in the world.
People have wondered, though, what makes these tiny things heavy? Bigger things become heavy by being made of these tiny things. But what makes the tiniest things heavy?
The best guess explained this by saying that all around us is a field, which is a bit like water or some other stuff that would slow you down if you tried to walk through it. But in this field, some things move really easily, and others have a lot of trouble. The harder it is for one of these tiny things to move through the field, then, the heavier that thing is. So, if one moves through the world without even noticing the water-like-stuff (the field), then it turns out not to be heavy at all. If it has a lot of trouble, then it’s really heavy.
But until last year, people weren’t completely sure this field was real. But they knew that if it was real, and you shook it really hard, then a totally new tiny thing would fall out of it. That’s because it’s a bit like the water-like-stuff is made out of this new tiny thing.
So if they could find this new tiny thing, they could be pretty sure that the water-like-stuff was all around us, making all the tiny things heavy.
It took a lot of money and years of work, but last year they found this totally new tiny thing. Now they are pretty sure that all tiny things are heavy because they are moving through water-like stuff (a field) that is all around us.
All because of one tiny little thing.
I used this very clever text-editor that only lets you use the 1000 most common English words.
Here’s the thing that started this whole meme off.
If you want to read some stuff I’ve written about the Higgs boson using more words, go here.
Here’s one of the most disturbing emails so far. It seems Mr Mitch is a little homophobic.
I read your comment regarding Ellen D. What a joke. I am sick thinking about her being on the program as a regular. The stint on So you think you can dance was all the proof we needed that she is not right for this show.
I can’t stand her.
“My boyfriend and I read your blog all the time about American Idol on EW. It’s genius. You are genius.”
Andea and Kaz, here’s a tip: If you love American Idol this much, I’m sure that the films you make suck.
My boyfriend and I read your blog all the time about American Idol on EW. It’s genius. You are genius. We think you should make a list of the top 25 best idol contestants (to make the top 12) of all time. We got so excited thinking of what you would write, we literally stayed up until 3am the other night making our own list. It’s really hard. We got stuck between our favorite contestants to watch and the contestants who have done the best after Idol. I mean, to me there is no question Bo Bice and Melinda Doolittle are up very high on that list. I loved watching both of them each week. They were pros, yet they haven’t made a ton of money after Idol. I guess it should be about best performers on the show, because Bo and Melinda are stars to me. I’m guessing all the winners would have to make the list, since they won, and even though Taylor Hicks hasn’t done that well since Idol, I enjoyed watching him each week. Season 5 was the best season of all time, even though he’s the worst winner. Every person in the top ten was so fun to watch on Season 5. Paris Bennet? Why is this girl not a huge star yet? She obviously needs a good producer. My boyfriend is a music producer, and I keep telling him to find her and produce her. Anyway, you are the Idol genius, so make up your own rules, but we’d love to see your list.
Anyway, thank you for providing us with so much entertainment. I think you should replace Simon. I mean, the judges are just bad this year. I keep yelling at my TV to tell the contestants what they mean. They say the same things over and over, and it’s not really that helpful. Simon confused poor Kately Epperly and called her corny. That girl should be in the top 10 with Lili and Alex, but don’t get me started.
Ugh. I have to get back to work trying to figure out a strategy to sell the latest film I produced. I’m an indie producer. If you are bored and feel like a bit of teen humor, check out my film:
[I've deleted the identifying link to this person's website.]
Not many people produce indie teen comedies. With all the Idol fans and Glee fans, I think we have a shot, but it’s hard to get the film out there since it’s not a festival film. But enough about me. PLEASE write your list of the top 25 American Idol top 12 finalists of the first 8 seasons. People would LOVE to read it. After each person, please tell us why you liked him/her and your favorite performances. If you need a refresher, most of them are on YouTube.
Thanks, and keep writing! You make us so happy!!!!!!!!!!
-Andrea (and Kaz, even though he doesn’t know I’m e-mailing you) HA!
“Flamboyant?” I’m sorry Carroll. There’s not much I could do.
There are tons of great photos of Adam Lambert out there. Why did you, or whoever, pick the one used to announce that Adam would be on American Idol next week mentoring and entertaining? How he looked in that photo is NOT typical of how he looks when entertaining, singing, interviewing, signing autographs, etc. It appears someone when out of their way to find the most flamboyant photo they could, and it dishonors him. Can you change it? I have an album full of good photos on my Facebook page.
Here’s the piece of hate mail directed at the other Michael Slezak that inspired me to collect them. I love how long the third sentence is.
I just read your article about American Idol. I know you can only write what you see and your opinion. How would you feel if you was 16, turning 17 and dealing with American Idol representatives, from being in Orlando winning the American Idol experiences, then getting red carpet treatment in the Dallas auditions, and then going to Hollywood, and getting so much exposure which wasn’t shown on TV, talking to producers all week, then getting told on national TV, that you did nothing wrong, you was perfect but you still can’t make the show. Just at many like yourself stating how Thaddeus had a melt down, how would you have acted if you was in His place at that age. You realize how Thaddeus had to be trained to walk on 4 years ago, where He was in a rehab center for children and He would sing for them to help them through their therapy sessions, and that what made him have a dream to be on American Idol and finally get there and have that happen the way it did.
There isn’t a script how anyone react to different things. Thaddeus did not curse coming out the door, I am a Evangelist and all of my children knows better, Idol bleep out the Word God, yes God, Thaddeus said Old God how can that happen to me, at that time he as a flash back of all his pass hurts and what it took to get there. Since then so many doors has open for Thaddeus which the Lord has open.
You as a writer should know first had it not always what you see on camera, there much more. Since them Thaddeus has been contacted by Idol representatives, so something must be good they liked.
Thanks for even mentioning Thaddeus in your article weather good or bad, We as a family uses things that are negative to make us strong and this truly has.